I messed up. Big time. Immense consequences.
I felt ashamed. I didn’t know what would happen. Would this ruin my future? Would this make me a bad person? How would I ever stop making these mistakes?
In my shame and guilt, I went to God. I wondered how He felt about me. The Bible says that God loves us and redeems us and changes us in the areas that we need to grow but I could not imagine God being happy with me. When I went to Him, though, I realized that He viewed me differently as He led me on the path towards beauty.
I began with surrendering. I surrendered my faults, my fears, and my future. I told God that it wasn’t just in my hands. That it was completely in His hands. And no matter how those parts of me ended up, I would be His and He would have it in control. I told Him to take the weight of my guilt and my worry off of me.
I told Him that I surrendered who I viewed myself to be to Him. I didn’t have to be a “good” girl. I didn’t have to have it all together. I just wanted to be His and have the difficulties in life through my failures and the world’s failures make me more like Him. I let it go.
But, as I did, I couldn’t stop. I felt even more upset. This God who was great and who was taking the weight I had put upon myself on Himself made me feel even more humbled. I realized that I needed to take responsibility for what I had done. I could not take grace as a cheap excuse for my failures.
So, I confessed that I had been lazy, that I had been selfish. I repented. I turned away from these actions ashamed and back to my Father. To my God. And He forgave me just as He forgave the Psalmist in Psalm 32. No matter how “great” or “small” my mistake, I knew that He cared about my heart. He wanted me to come clean with Him and He would forgive as the God of Justice looking at His Son and as the God of Grace looking at me.
Live in His Love
I always write about God loving us as His Beloved people. However, it meant so much more at that moment. I felt unlovable and yet knew that the God of the world somehow still loved me. His love was what was transforming me. He was not done with me. He was still working because He loved me. I would not be left in my failure. We are wonderfully made, tremendously loved, and beautifully destined. God has got the world and us in His hands somehow.
I do not know what failures haunt you, what regrets plague you. But, I urge you, to run to this God. I was deeply impacted by the words in Pat Barett’s song, Canvas and Clay:
“I know nothing has been wasted
No failure or mistake
You’re an artist and a potter
I’m the canvas and the clay.”
Remember that we are His Beloved. Live in the light of that grace, that power to transform, and that freedom.